Clerical
by Potterworm
Summary: As a child, Lorelai had an unusually large head.  It was just a humorous trait, until Emily and Richard spoke to the doctors.    pre-series, one-shot


**Disclaimer: **Lorelai, Richard, Emily, and any other recognizable _Gilmore Girls_ characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and the WB. No infringement is intended.

**Summary: **As a child, Lorelai had an unusually large head. It was just a humorous trait, until Emily and Richard spoke to the doctors. (pre-series, one-shot)

**Author's Note: **inspired in part by a true story. Written while procrastinating studying for midterms, so I apologize now for the lack of research put into this topic.

**Clerical **

**by Potterworm**

"_As a child, your mother had an unusually large head."_

_-Emily says to Rory (1x19 - Emily in Wonderland)_

It is a nightmare, Emily tells herself, breathing heavily. She sits up and slips out of bed.

Richard shifts in his sleep, and Emily freezes a foot from their bed, stands as still as a child playing hide-and-go-seek, hoping that they have not been spotted. As quickly as that thought slips through her mind, a sob rips from her. Her hand lunges for her mouth before she even has a chance to think, but before it has reached its desired location, Richard stirs in his sleep.

She freezes, and Richard does not wake. As she leaves their bedroom, closing the door quietly, she justifies her actions. She has suffered from a nightmare, which means (logically) that she will not have a good night's sleep. If she tosses and turns, she may wake Richard, and Richard has to leave for a meeting in California tomorrow. If she does that, Richard will have a bad night's sleep and, therefore, may not perform successfully at his meeting.

If he doesn't perform successfully, he could be fired. If he is fired, they may lose their health insurance. And if they lose their health insurance, then they may not be able to -

No. Emily tells herself no, shaking the thought away. Now is not the time to think of such ridiculous things. It was a nightmare that she had, but she is losing focus; now, she is not living a nightmare.

(Yet.)

So she should stop thinking as though she is.

/

The live-in nanny startles as the door to Lorelai's nursery opens.

"Mrs. Gilmore," she says, jumping from the rocking chair. She whispers incredibly loudly, Emily notes, reminding herself to fire the girl (Sarah, was it?) later, when it will be less of an inconvenience. "I was just checking on Lorelai. She was fussing, and I heard her in the baby monitor from my room," the girl babbles. Emily does not say anything, so she continues for another minute or two.

Emily raises a hand to silence her. There is quiet for a long moment, until finally, the girl murmurs that she'll leave Emily alone with her daughter.

Emily barely hears her leave. She is focused on Lorelai in her crib. Lorelai isn't fussing now and is, instead, peaceful in her sleep.

Whatever the nanny heard was probably just a nightmare, Emily tells herself, a nightmare had by her infant at the same moment her mother was experiencing the same. Not for the first time, Emily stares at Lorelai and sees her own traits in that baby girl.

/

Richard wasn't there when the doctor had slung phrases like potential abnormalities, brain swelling, and disease names that Emily could not pronounce around. He was at a conference in New York, and Emily had driven Lorelai to her check-up personally, with the best pediatrician money could buy.

She called the maid to come pick the both of them up, an hour later. Emily couldn't bear to drive.

The whole way home, Emily stared at Lorelai, trying to see what had incited the doctor's investigation, but all she saw was her daughter, who had before today been the brute of a few good-natured jokes, due to her slightly large head.

Emily wasn't laughing anymore.

/

"Richard," Emily said, "you have to come home."

"Emily?"

"It's Lorelai. The doctors think - " she said, choking slightly, "they think there might be something wrong."

He called her a half an hour later, saying there were no plane tickets available for today. Before she could say a word, he continued, saying that he had rented a car.

He would be there by dinner.

/

"EMILY!" he called, his voice booming. Emily looked up from her position on the couch. Lorelai was in her arms, so she turned slowly, facing Richard down with an odd since of dread. He quieted instantly upon seeing his daughter and sat down on the sofa across from Emily.

"Richard," she explained quietly, knowing her daughter rested in her arms. "The doctor thinks Lorelai's head size could be a sign of some sort of swelling in the brain."

He did not say anything at first, did not question her, nor did he ask for the name of the condition the doctors fear Lorelai may have. (Emily did not remember it, she admitted shamefully to herself.)

"I'm calling Dr. Jacobs," Richard said after a long moment. It was a sensible reaction, Emily knew, calling his family doctor. But still, Emily did not move.

Richard was halfway out of the room, before he halted. He turned slowly and said, "Emily."

"Yes?"

"Is - is she going to be alright?" He didn't sound as though he wanted to know the answer.

"I don't know, Richard," she replied quietly. "I don't know."

He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly lost for words, and then looked at her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here today."

"I know you are, Richard."

Lorelai let out a wail, and that was the end of that.

/

"Lorelai has another test tomorrow Richard. They want to rule some things out," Emily says the next morning, after having slept in the nursery the night before.

"What things?" Richard asks, as he fixes his tie.

"Am I a doctor now?" Emily snaps back. She sounds unreasonable, she knows, but she has not slept properly in a month, and now, Richard is going away _again._

"No, my dear," Richard says, turning from the mirror, "you are not." He walks towards the bedroom door. "I did, however, assume you are a mother. My mistake."

Emily sucks in a breath and does not let it out again for such a long moment that she is dizzy when she stands.

She sits back down on their bed and does not stand again until she hears the sound of Richard's suitcase rolling towards the entryway. She hears him call upstairs that he will call her when his flight lands.

It's almost as though he's worried, Emily realizes. Instead of that fact reassuring her that her husband really does care, it simply frightens her more.

If he is scared, than there is a reason to be scared. If there is a reason to be scared then - then -

Emily lets the thought die there.

/

"What do you mean you'll book us for our next appointment in a month?" Emily sputters at a receptionist.

"There are no appointment slots available to see the specialist until next month, Mrs. Gilmore," is the perky answer.

Emily looks at the beach blonde bimbo and says, "I want to see your supervisor."

/

Lorelai sees her third specialist two days later. Emily, for the first time in years, is thankful for the pull that Richard's family name has given her.

/

For the next month and a half, this is all Emily knows:

"The tests are inconclusive, Mrs. Gilmore."

"She tested negative."

"We've ruled it out."

"There's no need to be concerned."

"We'll schedule another test tomorrow."

"Mrs. Gilmore, are you quite alright?"

/

After the fifth specialist she visits without Richard, Emily snaps. It is dinnertime; they are eating lamb. Richard is talking about a meeting - again.

"Richard," Emily interrupts, her voice biting.

"Yes?"

"Our daughter may be ill." Emily hesitates, but soldiers on. "Our daughter may be _dying_. I would like for you to attend the next doctor's visit with me, no matter what your work schedule may be." Her voice is calm and level.

He reacts the same: "Of course, Emily."

It is the angriest she has ever been with him, but not once does she raise her voice.

He does not mention his meetings for the rest of dinner. They are silent.

/

That night, when he slips into bed next to her, he wraps his arm around her. Quietly, he says, not seeming to know if she is awake or not, "I have been a fool, Emily."

Emily's eyes are shut already, but she listens for what else he will say.

"An absolute fool," he murmurs, reaching towards the nightstand and shutting out the light.

In the darkness, she waits for his breaths to even out, as he falls asleep, but they do not.

As they both stare at the ceiling, Emily remarks with no anger, simply tiredness, "I never thought I would have to do something like this alone."

He does not startle; it seems he was expecting for her to speak eventually. "You shouldn't have had to, Emily."

And there, in the darkness, she tells him what has happened at all of the doctor's visits, tells him her frustration, her fears. Richard, for the first time, really hears her.

/

The next morning, Richard makes a phone call to his mother, who makes a phone call to the head of the hospital, who books Richard and Emily an appointment with the head of their pediatrics department, along with the heads of several other departments.

(Emily hears Richard thank his mother for the donation she made. Emily never comments on it, but notices the giant plaque in the hospital years later and thanks her mother-in-law silently.)

/

Dr. Jenkins looks over their file silently. Emily, Richard, and Lorelai (resting in her carrier) are stared at by four separate doctors.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore," he says after what seems like a lifetime, but is, in actuality, all of five minutes, "is this the first time Richard has attended one these appointments?"

Richard stiffens in his chair, but says, "Yes."

Dr. Jenkins sighs. "And what hat size do you wear?"

Richard, not knowing what this has to do with anything, answers the man. Emily looks at Lorelai, who is dozing. She looks peaceful in her sleep.

"I'm afraid to tell you - " the man says carefully. Emily cannot breathe. "-that there's been an error."

"What?" Emily asks, struck dumb.

"Your previous doctors weren't thorough; there's nothing wrong with your daughter," the man says, closing their file. "Let me put this simply, Mr. Gilmore. If there were one hundred people in the room, you would have the largest head. Lorelai isn't suffering from anything other than genetics."

They are silent for a moment, taking in the news that their daughter is perfectly alright. (Not dying, Emily realizes. Not even ill.)

Then, Richard stands and says, "This all could have been solved by the other doctors in these departments -" he indicates to the other men sitting in on the meeting " -asking my hat size?"

He is speaking calmly, but Emily recognizes a viciousness in his tone. The doctor hesitates in answering and then says apologetically, "It's a terrible error. I apologize for the stress you may have incurred from this problem."

Richard's lips curl slightly. "We'll need to speak to the dean of medicine, of course, about compensating us for our medical bills."

Dr. Jenkins looks taken aback and then nods. "I'll set up an appointment."

/

Later, as they wait for their meeting, Richard turns to Emily and says, "I'll call Harold when we get home."

Recognizing their lawyer's name, Emily nods. "Punitive damages, of course."

/

The meeting is filled with awkward apologies and a promise from the dean to look into the department's negligence with these issues, along with a check being written to cover all of their medical expenses from the various tests Lorelai has incurred. Emily has no doubt that several doctors may lose their jobs within a few hours.

It is three hours later when they walk in their front door. Lorelai is still sleeping, so Emily walks in quietly and sits in the living room. Richard walks in a moment after her and stops in his tracks.

"Emily?"

"Yes, Richard," she responds exhaustedly. It is only when she speaks that she realizes she is crying.

He approaches her silently and sits on the couch next to her. Lorelai is between them, still in her carrier.

"She's going to be fine," Richard says, taking in the sight of his daughter.

Emily looks from her daughter to her husband and back again. "She might not have been."

"She was always going to be fine," Richard argues. "It was all of a clerical error that landed us in this situation."

"Richard," Emily says, her tone harsher than she plans it to be. Softer, she reiterates, "She might not have been."

A silent moment passes. "I know," he says then, looking at their baby girl. "Emily, I know."

/

That night, Richard slips out of bed at the same time as Emily. They walk silently to Lorelai's nursery and sit down in the rocking chairs opposite her crib.

Together, they watch her sleep until the sun comes up.

**end.**


End file.
